November 2011

Book update
Remember that book I’ve been writing for two years? Clearly, I was blissfully ignorant as to what the project entailed, I can still hear my friend Kaye laughing when I chirped,
“I’ll be done in six months!”
Well, I am furiously working to complete my manuscript and submit it to my editor who will reveal how many more months or years of work it may need. It’s not my first edit or even my second. I won’t bore you with the details and cause your ears to bleed – no – rather – I will say its been a remarkable journey that has deeply enriched me – except when it didn’t.
I can report that I have come into alignment with the telling of my story and soon I’ll be ready for the next step. Thank you for the abundant support and encouragement, it means a great deal.

Most Sincerely,

You’re not listening to me!
“You’re not listening to me!” I shouted over the shower water that pelted my head,
“If the plant flowers all the time, …..” But my husband cut me off and said,
“Jeez, I heard you the last three times!”
“Really?” I asked, “Because I dont think you did. I don’t think you listen to me.” I huffed.
“No,” he corrected me, “Your the one that doesnt listen to me. I already answered you – twice!”
“But you never acknowledged what I said.” I complained.

That’s how our conversation went, back and forth, until I stood with a towel on my head while water dripped from my body and pooled on the fuzzy rubber mat beneath my feet.
I said wrapping myself in a thick cottony towel and staring my stubborn husband down,
“I’ll concede.” I went on, “That I must not listen because, as you know, we are mirroring each other and I hear you insisting that I don’t listen, so, I’ll have to look at that behavior, but back at you buddy.”
My husband made a face at me and sauntered off.

I kept my promise and recognized that, in fact, as a result of feeling unacknowledged, I repeated myself again and again and didnt listen to my husbands reply because I really wanted to make my point and maybe, just maybe, I really wanted to be right. Dang-it.

My husband days latter admitted,
“Ok, because we’ve lived together so long, I think I already know what your going to say before you finish so, I inturrupt you and don’t let you finish, so then, you think I didn’t listen.”
“That’s because if you interrupt me, you aren’t listening.” I replied.
“Ok, I’ll watch that.” My husband agreed. And just like that, it’s over.

I have to believe I’m not alone in having this disagreement. Aren’t we each convinced were right in judging someones behavior and the accusation’s we direct at them are the same one they accuse us of having?
Oh, and it doesn’t matter if its your spouse, your neighbor, sibling, parent or kid or even your co-worker, its still a mirror, always reflecting our image. Even if the behavior differs slightly from what we accuse, we still have a part in it. The secret in knowing this is true, is in our judgement of the other person. If we judge it, we own it.

Holidays tend to bring up mirrors that we keep cleverly hidden most of the time. My suggestion is to simply accept that within our judgement of another, lies an aspect of our own behavior and embrace it, rather than deny it. In this way we can recognize those things we wish to change and then we can have a different argument and wont that be fun?
Have holidays filled with love, forgiveness and acceptance.


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