We are what we think

“You can’t depend on anyone. My father is a complete scumbag, loser, and never did one thing he said he would. He is a liar and hurts people. He only calls once a year promising to call back but never does.”  Raw pain and constant disappointment hid behind those bitter words from the sweet-lipped and pretty young woman. Her tone was casual, as if she were talking about ice-cream. Old anger, resentment, and a history of negative experience was so deep that she had no idea of the negative energy she carried or how it affected her attitude and thoughts about life. From her father’s selfish and self-destructive behavior, she adopted the belief that no one was trustworthy, and nothing would work. Her pain was so embedded that she missed the truth. His actions were about his own self-hate and didn’t reflect the world at large. At age twenty-four, she suffered from anxiety, depression, and extreme fatigue.

When we hold on to pain and struggle, it affects our outlook and harms us emotionally and physically. Most of us have experienced disappointment, struggle, pain, and fear in our lives. What we chose to focus on greatly affects who we are and how we feel.

Scientific study tells us that our thoughts and attitudes directly impact our physical wellbeing. Negative thought weakens our heart, brain, immune, digestion, and more. 

Health.com recently posted: “A 2014 study published in the journal Neurology linked high levels of cynicism later in life, i.e. a general distrust of people (and their motives), to a greater risk of dementia compared to those who were more trusting, even after accounting for other risk factors like age, sex, certain heart health markers, smoking status, and more. This way of thinking may also hurt your heart. A 2009 study from the journal Circulation looked at data from nearly 100,000 women and found that the most cynical participants were more likely to have heart disease than the least cynical folks. The more pessimistic women also had a higher chance of dying over the study period, versus those who were more optimistic about humanity.”

This is just one of thousands of published medical studies that all have the same conclusion. Our bodies believe what we tell them. If we have pessimistic thoughts, we send our bodies a negative message which results in weakness. We wonder why we feel exhausted, cranky, lackluster, and in generally poor health at the end of our day or week, regardless of our diet or physical exertion.

Many of us resist the notion that WE are negative thinkers, believing if we are then we are in some way bad or wrong, which is not true. It doesn’t matter what happened in our lives or how we became negative. It’s ok. We are still good, loving, people. In many cases, we learned to think negatively and anticipate the worst. What has power is a decision to change our thoughts and improve our lives and health.

What is the answer? At the risk of sounding clichéd, a practice in meditation, forgiveness, gratitude, or a habit to lift people up. Any one of these or combination of them, will change your life and health for the better. We may feel hopeless and stuck to change the way we think, but we can make the change. The result is better health, a positive outlook, and happy relationships. No matter what method of change we choose, the key is to find one we resonate with and stick with it.

Attitude is Everything by Jeff Keller, Positive Thinking by Jack Morris, Good Morning by Brook Noel, Daily Affirmations by Jason Thomas, Forgiveness by Iyanla Vanzant, Gratitude by Louise Hay, and The Magic by Rohnda Byrne, or my own books, Habits That Heal and Meditation for Beginners by Nita Lapinski are all full of ideas and methods for positive change and are available for under $15.00 on Amazon.

It doesn’t matter where or how we begin, only that we do. Here’s to your happiness and good health!

Nita Lapinski

We are all addicts of something

Ad-dict (adikt) To be or cause to be, a devotee, to do or use something habitually.

      Ad-dict-ed (a-dik-tid) Doing or using something as a habit or compulsively.

       Do you know anyone who is an over thinker, exercise fanatic, constant worrier, compulsively shops, over eats, or talk’s non-stop?

     We are addicted to constant drama, organizing, negative thinking, control, and habitual daily use of everything from soda to cigarettes. All addictions and compulsions are a faulty coping mechanism.  Habitual behavior is self-avoidance. 

         Some compulsive patterns can be physically harmful, like alcohol, drugs, tobacco, and food. Compulsive lying, gambling, hoarding, shopping, controlling, seeking approval of ourselves on social platforms or through the eyes of others, are emotionally destructive because the object is always moving. The satisfaction is as temporary as our last lie, purchase, bet or compliment. We are always left needing more.

Addictions have a common basic thread, fear. We practice every kind of drug use from prescription to the street variety. Some addictions result in starving ourselves, isolation, and revolving ailments. There are no shortages of habitual behaviors.

        All of these actions keep us from living in the moment and experiencing life fully. We cleverly disguise our habitual patterns by ignoring the truth of what they are.     

        I’m not a doctor but, I’m familiar with addictions and creating behaviors that don’t serve us. I was once an expert at it. One reason for these addictive activities is to keep us from feeling pain, fear, disappointment, grief, sadness or discovering that we are unhappy.

      We do it because we are afraid to look at our lives and admit that we need change because, we judge ourselves. When we move away from addictions of any kind, we feel better, are happier, more productive and able to love ourselves.

      Recognizing our patterns is power. It brings us closer to the truth of who we are, and who we want to be. For me, there are three beginning steps to change. The first is acknowledgement. The second is, no judging. The third is deciding how we want to be. Now, we are able to begin.

    There are many paths to change. Find what works for you. Give yourself a break from self-judgment. It doesn’t matter what we call it. Addictions, habitual patterns, habits, or compulsions, are a learned behavior we adopted as our truth.  We have the power to change.  

Uninvited Guests

I saw her in my peripheral vision sitting on my couch, an invited guest. Surprised, I spun to face her as her form disappeared. Was this who had been disrupting things around the house the last couple of days?

The disruptions began the day before. Arms full from shopping, I hurried to our bedroom to unload. What I saw stopped me in my tracks: a thick layer of plant pearls scattered across white carpet like a puddle of blood. Fear drove adrenalin to my heart. The delicate plant had to be shaken or knocked into to release so many beads. Was there an intruder in the house?

 I retraced my steps quietly. As I stepped backward, I glimpsed a fairy figurine in the mirror over our dresser. Something wasn’t right. I realized it was backward. It had been turned. Gooseflesh raced along my arms. Someone had been there, but the house was empty.

 I knew the answer, but asked my husband, Dylan, if he had bumped the plant and not had time to clean it up.

“No,” he said. “Why?”

I didn’t answer and asked, “How about my fairy. Did you move her?”

“No. What’s up?”  

“There’s activity in the house again. Things out of place. Someone is trying to get my attention.”

After twenty some years of marriage to a clairvoyant-medium, Dylan was accustomed to such events. He asked, “Do you know who it is?”

“No, not yet.”

There was no doubt about it, someone who had passed wanted me to know. A couple of hours later the phone rang. Christian, an old friend, came to the point quickly.

“Nita. Ingrid died two days ago. They think it was an aneurism.”

Ingrid was his older sister with whom I was friends with some twenty-five years ago.

“Oh, Christian. I’m so sorry. I believe she has been here. I couldn’t figure out who it was. Now I know.” I told him the story.

He said, “I knew I was supposed to call you, because when I got the call about her, out of nowhere, I saw a picture of you and Ingrid at work standing together at the end of the bar. Remember that?”

“Yes, I do.”

Later that day, Ingrid showed up again so that I could take down a message to her family.

I’ve seen energy forms from as far back as I can remember, but taking messages came later. I have taken many messages for many families. There has always been some connection that links me in some way with the families though it can be distant. I also have soul bodies who I see and hear that give me messages which I can never deliver because I don’t know their people. This is the reality of my life.

There are varied opinions and reactions to my truth. Some believe that it’s all in my head. Others cry with gratitude and relief when they hear the words of their loved ones. Words they recognize that their person would have said. I know of no other way to be. For me, it has always been. I didn’t learn it. I was born this way.

The power of gratitude

We have all heard, “count your blessings. Be grateful. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Be thankful.” We know that we should be grateful and in our minds, we are. Still, we feel disappointment for what we don’t get. Our habit is to focus on lack, or what didn’t work, and we miss what’s in the moment. It’s easy to lose sight of what we have when we don’t get what we wanted or lose something that we had. We spend time thinking about deficiency before we remember to give thanks. For many it’s an afterthought.

In contrast, focusing on what we have is powerful. Gratitude brings us into the present, aligns us with abundance and love, and most importantly, lets us experience the joy of being thankful. Thinking about gratitude and practicing gratitude are different. We think about being grateful because we know that we should, and we believe to think is to practice. Yet do we really understand the practice and power of living in gratitude?

Simultaneously feeling anxiety and gratitude, disappointment and gratitude, or even depression and gratitude is impossible. The reason is simple. Focusing on what we have produces a feeling of joy and thankfulness. Sadness, fear, and anxiety produce feelings opposite of happiness or joy. The fact is that when we practice gratitude, negative feelings are fleeting, because we are experiencing the joy and gratitude of what we have. Therefore, it is our truth rather than a thought. We don’t have to remind ourselves to be grateful, because we live it.

Practicing gratitude works like this: we make it a daily focus to connect with our gratitude, which grounds us in the reality of what we have. Each day we begin by concentrating on something we have that we are grateful for. We can choose a person, place, animal, weather, or simply waking up. We mentally recall our thing in the mind’s eye and then allow the feeling of happiness to blossom in our chest, which is our spiritual heart center. Let it expand. Once we connect with this feeling, we recall a second thing and repeat the first step, and then a third thing, repeating again.

Over time, our practice to experience living in gratitude becomes our way of being. Disappointment, anxiety, and fear become the afterthought.

The power of affirmation

Affirmations are directed intention which can change our outlook, attitude, state of mind and level of acceptance and happiness.  There are affirmation books, bracelets, tattoos, quotes, songs and meditations. Are they somehow magical? What is the power of an affirmation?

The Conflict of Judgment

         Conflict within a family is as common as the family itself. Some battles splinter the core of relationships, eviscerating emotional landscapes. The fall out can last a lifetime. There are no easy answers for these confusing, struggles of who is right and who is wrong. What is certain is that we feel hurt and misunderstood, unable to see another view.

        Relationships are intricate, personal, connections that we grow up learning to judge as good, bad, right and wrong.  Frequently, we feel justified judging others for judging us. After all, they judged us first, right?

     Another way we judge is we believe that our family member is making a poor, bad, or wrong decision based on our belief or experience. Our judgment is not about what is right for us, it’s about what we think is right for them. But, judgment is always about us.

     Judgment is based in fear and is a lack of acceptance. If we accept another person’s choices and who they are rather than who we would like them to be, we have a better chance of reconciliation or moving on with love. Many times, we have a hidden belief that “their” poor choice is a reflection of our failure.

      We fear we have failed as parents to teach what we believe is the “right” opinion or outlook. We can wonder how our sibling went so astray or reject a family member for their different choice or view. But does that make our view unequivocally right?

     How many relationships suffer because we judge or feel judged? All we really want is love and acceptance. We hold on to the rejection, hurt, anger and misunderstanding because it’s easier to point a finger and find blame, than to be vulnerable and look within. We march forward with our shield of judgment, exhausted and alone.

    We learn from a young age to judge ourselves and others. We judge so frequently, we don’t even see it. If we open to the truth that judgment is about us and not who we judge, we can forgive and accept. When we let go of judgment and find a positive, we open to love and lift each other up.

   Try these four steps to transform judgment and heal ourselves and relationships.

1.)   Recognize the judgment, 2.) Find the positive, 3.) Change the thought, 4.) Lift the person up.

                                        Changing our judgmental thoughts into positives.

 Judgment                                                                                 New thought

I hate my neighbor’s                                                                       I love how my neighbor                            

tacky yard dwarfs                                                                              expresses happiness with

                                                                                                           her yard dwarfs.

My neighbor is so                                                                                 It’s wonderful that my

tasteless and tacky.                                                                           neighbor wants to share what                         

                                                                                                             brings her happiness.

The truth is, when we have positive thoughts we feel better, are happier and more productive. We don’t need to judge so much. It makes us tired, grumpy and narrow. Try changing judgment for one day and enjoy feeling better.

The Art of Acceptance

Talking about current events in the world today is tricky. It seems no matter what we say, we have angered or offended someone. I feel that what is happening in the world is a direct reflection of what is occurring within ourselves. A lack of acceptance. The world is experiencing a shift of consciousness and change. Shattering, ground-splitting change. 

I’m not just talking about politics. I’m referring to the deep-rooted beliefs that drive our lives, choices, and what we expect from each other. We find trouble when we expect that the things we choose for ourselves are right for everyone.

We all want to become masters. Masters of love, relationships, careers, parenting, forgiveness, compassion, anxiety. We want to conquer our fearful beliefs that bind us so tight, we scarcely breathe. The disagreement lies not in these basic truths, but in how we believe they should be attained. 

The only common truth I have found is that everybody wants to be loved, accepted, understood, and forgiven. Everyone. Period. 

How can we continue on our own path and support others who don’t share our ideas and beliefs? 

In my own family, of which I include my in-laws, siblings and children, there are drastically different views on just about everything. I worried in the past, especially where our children are concerned, that their different beliefs were a reflection of our parenting. 

I’ve come to understand that it is not about us or our ability to parent. We all have our own path and, in that, we have different experiences from which come from different beliefs. It’s okay.

Love is love. How we each choose to express our love is personal choice. 

I believe when we learn acceptance, we learn to love people where they are instead of where we think they should be. We stop trying to show them that our path is better, because it might not be better for them. Can we live and let live? We don’t have to let other people’s beliefs threaten our own. We can stand in our truth and allow others to have theirs. 

Let’s practice acceptance in our own lives and our family and see where that takes us. We may just become not only more tolerant but open to doing things differently.

Love,

New Year’s Promises

Meditate, meditate, meditate. Eat healthier foods. Exercise. Practice patience. Love yourself. We’ve heard it a million times and we know we should, yet…

We are creatures of habit. Routine feels comfortable and safe even if it’s unhealthy. The New Year brings a slew of new promises and goals that we sometimes can’t sustain, though our intentions are good. One issue is that we tend to over commit instead of setting more personally achievable goals. For instance, a person who doesn’t like gyms and what they offer will join one with the idea that they need exercise and therefore will grow to like it. They usually don’t. Another person who dislikes diets chooses one anyway, only to experience personal misery, so they can’t stay with it. A person with a busy mind will try meditation, with the false idea that they need to think of nothing for up to half an hour a day, a nearly impossible task. It’s no surprise we don’t last. Another stumbling block is that we are professional self-critics who focus on our own lacks. We tell ourselves, “I should be this or that. When I change, I will be better. If only I could eat less, drink less, exercise more” and on we go. We compare ourselves to others and measure our worth by how we perform in life rather than who we are. How often do we celebrate our strengths and what we do well and use those truths as inspiration?

If the goal is to lose weight and eat healthier, why not start with a two-or-three-day-a-week food change? We can focus on cutting out a few foods we know create issues for us. For example, breads, sugar, pasta, butters, creams, processed snacks, etc. We can choose a few days a week to add vegetables, fresh fruit, lean meats in place of what we cut out and then see how we do. If we want to be more fit, why not take a walk, ride a bike, take yoga, jump rope, dance, hula hoop, run in place, or take the stairs instead of the elevator just three days a week to start? Meditate five minutes a day. We can listen to music, create a mental mantra like “I am at peace” while candle-gazing or watching a fish tank, the horizon of a setting or rising sun, listening to a guided meditation, or just focus on breathing. My husband Dylan began meditating for just six minutes, three days a week, building up to twelve minutes over a six-month period. According to bloodwork results, his cortisol levels (our body’s stress meter) dropped significantly, though his daily stress didn’t change. He was able to reduce his daily dose of DHEA in half.

Start with something manageable that you don’t dread and don’t forget to feel good about small accomplishments instead of berating yourself by thinking, “I should do more.” After you’ve stuck with it, you can choose to go further or stay where you are. If three days is too much, start with two, but be gentle with yourself and focus on what you’ve accomplished rather than what you haven’t. Mostly, love yourself and have an exceptional 2018.

Listen to your body

Listen to your body - Using your intuition to make positive health choices. 

Forgiveness - Talk about how resentment and negativity affect our bodies and how letting go of that can positively affect our health.  Perhaps there are some case studies we can pull from.  I think Louise Hay would have some examples of healing through forgiveness.  

Surrender - Maybe something about being in the present moment, letting go, and the positive mental/physical benefits?  Perhaps this could be another plug for meditation.  

Attitude - I know this is self-help 101, but I still think a lot of people with health issues are hung up on thinking negatively all the time about their problems.  Even seeking attention for them.  Perhaps a blog on the importance of positive thoughts and attitudes would be nice.  I'm sure there are short case studies we can reference as well.   

Let me know your thoughts!  

Thanks, 

Yes, intuition is a thing

The Eagles hit song, I Can’t Tell You Why, blasted over the radio as I pulled to stop at the light. I sang along with gusto, completely off key, you don’t have to worry just hold on tight, when suddenly I was catapulted across two lanes of traffic, landing in the center divider. A loud ringing exploded in my ears. My shoulder began to throb where my seatbelt held me tight. I didn’t hear the crush of metal or see the car as it barreled into the rear of my opal. I sat stunned and thought, I knew I shouldn’t turn here. The voice in my mind had said, don’t turn here. Wait until Tyler Boulevard. But, I ignored it and here I was.
       Intuition comes in different ways for each of us. Intuition is not instinct, it is a knowing. It can show up as a warning or as simple knowledge. Over the years countless people have shared their stories of intuition and then asking me, “Is it real?”
Most recently, a friend called me one afternoon and in an excited voice she said,
     “You’re not going to believe this. I was in Whole Foods at the checkout counter talking with the clerk when all of a sudden, I saw the image of one of my clients superimposed on the clerks face! It was completely random. I wasn’t thinking about that person at all. It lasted only seconds and in the next moment the person whose face I saw, walked past me from behind! It was crazy! Did it really happen or did I make it up?” 
    I said, “You didn’t make it up. It was your intuition.”
       Intuition is that spontaneous flash in our mind, or a feeling, or voice that comes seemingly, out of nowhere. It manifests as a feeling of foreboding, or a precognitive knowing of triumph. Intuition is the wash of goose flesh that races across our body, or an understanding that we have without empirical evidence to say that it’s so. It is an insight that reveals an otherwise hidden truth. However it shows up one thing is clear, we all have it. It is so common that it is hard to find someone who has not experienced intuition in one way or another. Why then, do we want to judge the experience as “woo-woo,” or “imagination?” 
     The single most asked question from clients is, “How can I connect with my intuition?”  The answer is that there are numerous ways we can learn to identify and improve our ability to connect with this natural part of ourselves. One way is to, “meditate.” Some will tell us, “Ask your angels or guides.” Others say, “Ask your dreams to show you.”  I am a fan of meditation but many people simply aren’t drawn to it. Another effective approach is to use directed thought. Using directed thought or intention is simple. It’s three steps and takes only a few minutes. 
1.    Focus your attention to the center of your chest. You may want to use your non-dominate hand and tap lightly in this area. When you feel your focus shift to this area take the next step.
2.    Visualize a funnel that begins at your heart center and opens upward toward the heavens. This opens a channel to your highest source. When you’re ready, take the next step.
3.    Mentally speak your directed thought, today I align with my intuition and allow myself to hear it, see it, or feel it, or I am open to my intuition however it may manifest. Remember your intent throughout your day. 
After that all we need to do is pay attention. Don’t be discouraged if your intuition doesn’t show up immediately. It takes practice. Practice the three step exercise every day. Notice how intuition manifests for you. If it is a feeling, where do you feel it in your body? Once you feel it, acknowledge it. If you hear it, how is it different from your thoughts? Again, it is important to acknowledge it. If you see it, accept it and acknowledge it. In the beginning we need only to notice and acknowledge when we experience our intuition. Don’t over think it or attach an outcome or meaning to it. Like, just before the phone rings we know who it is. Stop there and simply acknowledge. But then we go further and think, I know what they want….  Doing that tends to make us right or wrong. Start by observing and accepting. As we use it we learn to trust it and our intuition grows. Good luck! 

Holiday Obligation

Dread-filled anticipation lay like fresh paint over Cara’s pretty features. Her smile faded as new jazzy guitar riffs—spiced-up tired holiday tunes—were piped through overhead speakers. She said, “I dread the holidays! The closer they get, the more stress I feel. Never-ending family pressure and obligation plagues me. Someone always gets their feelings hurt, drinks too much, says something inappropriate, or is just plain inconsiderate. It’s weird, when my family gets together, we all revert to childhood position and behavior no matter how we’ve changed or grown. It stresses me out.”

Holidays can be stressful for many reasons. Remember to use our three steps to manage anxiety. 1) Get present by focusing on breath. 2) Repeat the mantra “In this moment, I am safe.” 3) Smile.

These three steps stop a progression of anxiety, but there is something else we can do. We can wear our “emotional raincoat.” It protects us from insensitive remarks, emotional barbs, and a tendency to revert to old family paradigms.

We create the raincoat in our minds. Before a gathering, we visualize our slicker. We can make it any color, style, or pattern. Mine has a clear sheen with bright yellow ducklings along its trim. The front is adorned with shiny clasps that hold it tight against me. I wear a fashionable rain hat too. After I visualize my gear, I carefully see myself put it on and fasten it securely. Our raincoat protects us like this: hurtful comments, unappreciated observations, and statements designed to bait us into old insecurities simply hit our protective coat and slide to the floor, never penetrating our emotions. We don’t need to respond negatively because the intended or unintended remarks and energy lose their power. They become just words unable to hurt us. It’s amazing when we use visualization and understand intention. We give ourselves room to recognize and understand old patterns of angry, fearful remarks are about the people who speak them and not about us. This Thanksgiving, master holiday anxiety using three steps and wear your emotional raincoat. Let’s enjoy the holidays in a new way. And don’t forget to BREATHE!

Historic Times

We are living in historic times. Regardless of where we are in terms of opinion, our experiences will be forever ingrained. When someone asks, "What did you do when...?" chances are we will all remember.

For me, the pandemic brought a great deal of positives. I gave more and helped more than ever before and the same can be said for many around the world. I acted with specific intention in everything I engaged in. Like so many, I was surrounded by turmoil. We had to decide just who we were going to be in all of this.

Having free time on my hands, I couldn't help but to reflect on my past as a young single parent who relied on bartending as an income. What would I have done if the pandemic had happened then?  I can’t imagine how would I have supported myself and my family. Perhaps that is the reason for my decision to give and help others as much as possible.

There were times of struggle during the lockdown when I would focus on choosing what I couldn't do or what I could. I decided on the latter. I won’t pretend that I didn’t have negative thoughts, but when I did, I changed them. I knew people who left us because of COVID and I send my love and compassion to the families that stayed behind.

One of the COVID byproducts was that we had to evaluate our life habits, relationships, where we were, and where we are going. Both of my adult children, who have families and children of their own, are currently unemployed and facing significant life shifts. I can feel that they will not only find their way, but be in an even better place.

To those that are struggling and afraid, remember that "The universe always supports us." I don't say that in a cavalier way: I genuinely mean it. We can choose to look at life with fear and despair and become stuck in that experience or we can find the power and gifts that exist in everything for each of us.

I believe that our lives are full of opportunities to master and grow and the measure of who we are lies in what we do with each moment. Everything will be all right. I send to you all of my love, and I am here for you.

Anxieties Truth

Feeling fear is as natural to us as hearing our names. As toddlers, we learned to fear the basics: “Be careful! Don’t touch that, it’s hot! Don’t run or you will fall! Watch out for cars or they will hit you! Don’t talk to strangers, you can’t trust them.” We learned three important things about fear. First, we learned how to anticipate fear. Second, we learned that anticipating fear kept us safe. Third, we learned that if fear kept us safe, then fear was necessary and good. In other words, we were trained to think anxiously.

  At that time in our lives all three things were true, but we became so accustomed to fear that we didn’t notice when it became negative. I believe that all habitual behaviors are based in fear. None of us are born with habits, we learn them.

Fear is at the root of Anxiety. Some people are convinced that anxiety does not affect them. They worry about things and sometimes lose sleep. They ask, “is that anxiety?” “Yes,” I say. It is.

Anxiety is a physical response to a fearful thought or belief projected into the future. Fear of future is a belief that something, “bad” will happen. We create anxiety by imagining how future events can or will go wrong. We focus on these made-up episodes until our stomachs twist, and our hearts race and we cannot breathe.

 We swirl in fear and see only negative outcomes. We think, If I do this, then that will happen, and if that happens, then this will happen, and if…. Our imagined scenarios feel real. The anxiety created from fear of future can cause panic attacks that bring symptoms ranging from loss of sleep, simple internal jitters, and emotional meltdowns so severe that we cannot function.

The good news is that; we all have the power to heal. Our habits are a learned way of thinking and practice. We can learn new habits. Fear, anxiety, negative self-talk, gossip, and judgment are all linked. By practicing daily exercises designed to change our habit of fearful thinking we can heal this harmful pattern.

Three simple steps will stop an anxiety attack:

1.     Get present by focusing on breath coming in and out of the body.

2.     Repeat the mantra, “in this moment I am safe.”

3.     Smile

These three steps will absolutely stop the progression of anxiety. Once we are out of anxiety, we can focus on gratitude. The practice of daily gratitude changes our focus from negative outcomes to happiness of what we have in this moment. If you suffer from anxiety, don’t worry. You can master it. There are countless books, free apps, yoga, prayer, martial arts and meditation to help keep us present, the opposite of anxiety.

Listen to your body

Forgiveness - Talk about how resentment and negativity affect our bodies and how letting go of that can positively affect our health.  Perhaps there are some case studies we can pull from.  I think Louise Hay would have some examples of healing through forgiveness.  

Surrender - Maybe something about being in the present moment, letting go, and the positive mental/physical benefits?  Perhaps this could be another plug for meditation.  

Attitude - I know this is self-help 101, but I still think a lot of people with health issues are hung up on thinking negatively all the time about their problems.  Even seeking attention for them.  Perhaps a blog on the importance of positive thoughts and attitudes would be nice.  I'm sure there are short case studies we can reference as well.   

Let me know your thoughts!

Misconceptions

 There are many possible misconceptions we may think of when trying to get healthy. Here are some common ones that many of us struggle with:

·      Everyone should detox.

·      Vegetables are always better for us when eaten raw.

·      Sweating during a workout means we will lose more weight.

·      Daily exercise means we can eat whatever we want without gaining weight.

·      We must clear our mind in order to meditate.

 The truth is that detox is not appropriate for everyone. Studies show that some people don’t need detox because they have medical issues adverse to a detoxing cleanse or are on a clean diet that eliminates the need.

Not all vegetables are good for us in a raw state. Raw cruciferous vegetables can suppress thyroid hormone production and should be cooked. Cruciferous vegetables include broccoli, brussels sprouts, cabbage, cauliflower, kale, mustard greens, radishes, rutabagas, and turnips.

 Recent studies debunk the idea that sweating more contributes to more weight loss during a workout. Sweating is simply our body’s way of regulating temperature. Daily exercise is great for our fitness but the fact is that weight is about diet and if we consume more calories and fat than our body can burn, we gain weight.

The old idea that we must clear our minds to meditate is false. In fact, once we become disciplined, regular meditators, our minds naturally calm of constant thoughts. We can reach levels of deep relaxation, clarity, and understanding, which takes time and practice.

Most of us today are not only busy, we are highly stimulated with constant information from computers, phones, tablets, twenty-four-hour news cycles, social media, tweets, technology,  stress from family obligations, jobs, and social events. For these reasons, beginning meditators need to be engaged and the amount of time for meditating should begin with just five minutes. Now, it would be ideal to practice five minutes every day, but for some, that is difficult. To begin a practice of five minutes three or four days a week will still have multiple benefits. Beginning meditations need to engage us visually, mentally, and audibly. A good meditation that provides this is a simple candle gaze.

With our eyes half closed, we gaze into a candle while listening to soothing music and repeating a mental mantra such as: “I am at peace” or “I am one with God.” Any mantra that is short and simple will do.

Guided meditations are also an excellent option to start with. There are countless free apps available just for this. Try to choose five-minute ones. Another meditation can be to lie down, listen to calming music, and focus only on breath moving in and out of the body. Do this for twenty breath cycles of inhale and exhale counting as one cycle. That’s all. This simple practice is relaxing and calming.

 The benefits of meditation are many and far outweigh any reason not to make time for five minutes to relax and let go of worries, stress, and anxiety.

Still need convincing? Here is a list of some of the outcomes of a regular practice. Clarity, calmness, lower blood pressure, lower anxiety, connecting with our natural intuition, better overall health, learning to trust yourself, connecting with your source, lower cortisol levels, lower stress, and a better disposition.

Did you know that studies show that meditation boosts immune function, decreases pain, increases focus, improves brain function, and helps overall organ function? There are spiritual benefits too. Meditation helps us with our trust in the flow of life, faith, and our connection with God consciousness. Search the web, read articles, look for centers that offer meditation in your area. Five minutes of meditation a day will change your life. You can visit www.nitalapinski.com for free five-minute meditation downloads or buy a book for beginners. There are so many podcasts, blogs, apps, books, yoga, and spiritual centers available. Why wait?  A calmer, happier, healthier you is waiting to be uncovered.

Yes, Intuition is a Thing

 The Eagles hit song, I Can’t Tell You Why, blasted over the radio as I pulled to stop at the light. I sang along with gusto, completely off key, you don’t have to worry just hold on tight, when suddenly I was catapulted across two lanes of traffic, landing in the center divider. A loud ringing exploded in my ears. My shoulder began to throb where my seatbelt held me tight. I didn’t hear the crush of metal or see the car as it barreled into the rear of my opal. I sat stunned and thought, I knew I shouldn’t turn here. The voice in my mind had said, don’t turn here. Wait until Tyler Boulevard.But, I ignored it and here I was.
       Intuition comes in different ways for each of us. Intuition is not instinct, it is a knowing. It can show up as a warning or as simple knowledge. Over the years countless people have shared their stories of intuition and then asking me, “Is it real?”
Most recently, a friend called me one afternoon and in an excited voice she said,
     “You’re not going to believe this. I was in Whole Foods at the checkout counter talking with the clerk when all of a sudden, I saw the image of one of my clients superimposed on the clerks face! It was completely random. I wasn’t thinking about that person at all. It lasted only seconds and in the next moment the person whose face I saw, walked past me from behind! It was crazy! Did it really happen or did I make it up?” 
    I said, “You didn’t make it up. It was your intuition.”
       Intuition is that spontaneous flash in our mind, or a feeling, or voice that comes seemingly, out of nowhere. It manifests as a feeling of foreboding, or a precognitive knowing of triumph. Intuition is the wash of goose flesh that races across our body, or an understanding that we have without empirical evidence to say that it’s so. It is an insight that reveals an otherwise hidden truth. However it shows up one thing is clear, we all have it. It is so common that it is hard to find someone who has not experienced intuition in one way or another. Why then, do we want to judge the experience as “woo-woo,” or “imagination?” 
     The single most asked question from clients is, “How can I connect with my intuition?”  The answer is that there are numerous ways we can learn to identify and improve our ability to connect with this natural part of ourselves. One way is to, “meditate.” Some will tell us, “Ask your angels or guides.” Others say, “Ask your dreams to show you.”  I am a fan of meditation but many people simply aren’t drawn to it. Another effective approach is to use directed thought. Using directed thought or intention is simple. It’s three steps and takes only a few minutes. 
1.    Focus your attention to the center of your chest. You may want to use your non-dominate hand and tap lightly in this area. When you feel your focus shift to this area take the next step.
2.    Visualize a funnel that begins at your heart center and opens upward toward the heavens. This opens a channel to your highest source. When you’re ready, take the next step.
3.    Mentally speak your directed thought, today I align with my intuition and allow myself to hear it, see it, or feel it, or I am open to my intuition however it may manifest. Remember your intent throughout your day. 
After that all we need to do is pay attention. Don’t be discouraged if your intuition doesn’t show up immediately. It takes practice. Practice the three step exercise every day. Notice how intuition manifests for you. If it is a feeling, where do you feel it in your body? Once you feel it, acknowledge it. If you hear it, how is it different from your thoughts? Again, it is important to acknowledge it. If you see it, accept it and acknowledge it. In the beginning we need only to notice and acknowledge when we experience our intuition. Don’t over think it or attach an outcome or meaning to it. Like, just before the phone rings we know who it is. Stop there and simply acknowledge. But then we go further and think, I know what they want….  Doing that tends to make us right or wrong. Start by observing and accepting. As we use it we learn to trust it and our intuition grows. Good luck! 

Rising Costs

I am constantly astonished at the ever-rising cost of everything from toothpaste to a place to live and call home. I don’t know if I’m old and inflexible or if things are drastically changing. While some increases can be substantiated in one way or another, other prices have gone up considerably for no apparent reason and it's not about politics, it seems more connected to greed and the ability to get more. 

    Remember when owning a pet not only brought joy but was a way to teach children responsibility, love, comfort, and the circle of life? Today, we must consider affording animals because of the expense of food, pet care, and vets.

    Costs of insurance for medical, dental, vision, car, home, and life soar. We pay for child care, elder care, transportation, food, cell phones, rent, or mortgages. Let's not forget the cost of higher education, and extras like self-care from massage, gym memberships, salon treatments, haircuts and the like to streaming services, electronic games, computers, music, and entertainment, and don’t forget to save some money too. I’m certain that I’ve left some essentials out. The financial burdens are crazy and growing every day along with the stress and anxiety we feel associated with them.

 I can happily name some low or no-cost essentials too. There is love, forgiveness, acceptance, laughter, compassion, helping someone in need. Acting with humility and respect, a willingness to be wrong and curious, supporting each other, volunteering for anything, smiling, saying kind things to lift others, and being genuinely open to giving and receiving unconditional love. Try helping a stranger, neighbor, or community. Did I mention forgiveness?

These are the things, the low-cost or free ones, that keep me balanced and remind me what is important to focus on because they never change or lose their power and impact. They represent best who I am and hope to be in the world regardless of life's interferences. Please stay well and happy and don’t forget to love each other.

Holiday Obligation

Dread-filled anticipation lay like fresh paint over Cara’s pretty features. Her smile faded as new jazzy guitar riffs—spiced-up tired holiday tunes—were piped through overhead speakers. She said, “I dread the holidays! The closer they get, the more stress I feel. Never-ending family pressure and obligation plagues me. Someone always gets their feelings hurt, drinks too much, says something inappropriate, or is just plain inconsiderate. It’s weird, when my family gets together, we all revert to childhood position and behavior no matter how we’ve changed or grown. It stresses me out.”

Holidays can be stressful for many reasons. Remember to use our three steps to manage anxiety. 1) Get present by focusing on breath. 2) Repeat the mantra “In this moment, I am safe.” 3) Smile.

These three steps stop a progression of anxiety, but there is something else we can do. We can wear our “emotional raincoat.” It protects us from insensitive remarks, emotional barbs, and a tendency to revert to old family paradigms.

We create the raincoat in our minds. Before a gathering, we visualize our slicker. We can make it any color, style, or pattern. Mine has a clear sheen with bright yellow ducklings along its trim. The front is adorned with shiny clasps that hold it tight against me. I wear a fashionable rain hat too. After I visualize my gear, I carefully see myself put it on and fasten it securely. Our raincoat protects us like this: hurtful comments, unappreciated observations, and statements designed to bait us into old insecurities simply hit our protective coat and slide to the floor, never penetrating our emotions. We don’t need to respond negatively because the intended or unintended remarks and energy lose their power. They become just words unable to hurt us. It’s amazing when we use visualization and understand intention. We give ourselves room to recognize and understand old patterns of angry, fearful remarks are about the people who speak them and not about us. This Thanksgiving, master holiday anxiety using three steps and wear your emotional raincoat. Let’s enjoy the holidays in a new way. And don’t forget to BREATHE!

Historic Times

We are living in historic times. Regardless of where we are in terms of opinion, our experiences will be forever ingrained. When someone asks, "What did you do when...?" chances are we will all remember.

For me, the pandemic brought a great deal of positives. I gave more and helped more than ever before and the same can be said for many around the world. I acted with specific intention in everything I engaged in. Like so many, I was surrounded by turmoil. We had to decide just who we were going to be in all of this.

Having free time on my hands, I couldn't help but to reflect on my past as a young single parent who relied on bartending as an income. What would I have done if the pandemic had happened then?  I can’t imagine how would I have supported myself and my family. Perhaps that is the reason for my decision to give and help others as much as possible.

There were times of struggle during the lockdown when I would focus on choosing what I couldn't do or what I could. I decided on the latter. I won’t pretend that I didn’t have negative thoughts, but when I did, I changed them. I knew people who left us because of COVID and I send my love and compassion to the families that stayed behind.

One of the COVID byproducts was that we had to evaluate our life habits, relationships, where we were, and where we are going. Both of my adult children, who have families and children of their own, are currently unemployed and facing significant life shifts. I can feel that they will not only find their way, but be in an even better place.

To those that are struggling and afraid, remember that "The universe always supports us." I don't say that in a cavalier way: I genuinely mean it. We can choose to look at life with fear and despair and become stuck in that experience or we can find the power and gifts that exist in everything for each of us.

I believe that our lives are full of opportunities to master and grow and the measure of who we are lies in what we do with each moment. Everything will be all right. I send to you all of my love, and I am here for you.

Coping with Fear

The doctors bright blue eyes were weary with the truth of what she knew, and still, she listened patiently. We finished our story and she shook her head. She pointed at Dylans lip and said, “I’m sorry, but regardless what your skin specialist said, or the biopsy, this is advanced stage oral cancer and should be removed immediately.” She moved to Dylan’s side and probed beneath his jawline and throat for evidence of more cancer. “It’s grown to a stage where we worry about metastasis into his lymph system. We will need another biopsy but it will be just a formality.”

         Fear rose up sticking like a raw blister in my throat. I recalled the year before when the cancer specialist assured Dylan again and again, telling him he had nothing to worry about. After his biopsy, he’d returned again on two separate visits to complain of the sore that wouldn’t heal on his lip. I wanted to hurt that man. The year had already been the most difficult of our twenty-six-year marriage. Dylan had struggled to find a permanent chef position and had spent the year underemployed. We were blessed to have savings to help get us through, but our reserves were running low. Now this. Cancer. No job, no insurance. Oh boy.

     Over the next several weeks we raced to find doctors who accepted uninsured patients, see surgeons, get opinions, consult radiation specialists, have a PET scan, and, of course, swallow fear. Oh, and apply for state sponsored insurance. No small feat. Piles of paperwork, endless documentation, multiple phone calls, and hope that we were accepted immediately because Dylan’s cancer was too advanced to wait the normal six-week period. 

    Insurance came through in record time. His oncology radiation specialist, Dr. Mutiyala, the only doctor in Arizona who performed a procedure of, brachytherapy, made an exception and took the state medical plan. Dylan began intense radiation in three weeks after diagnosis. There were other miraculous things that happened during an arguably crappy year. Dylan received a session with the remarkable healer, Jerry Wills, who truly turned the tide for him, but that is another story that deserves its own page. Multiple friends and family members who came forward and gave of their hearts. They offered love, support, financial help, and opened their homes because we would need a temporary place to land soon. It had been a one, two punch. After more than a year of underemployment and cancer, we were financially tapped out.

      During the year of struggle, I released my third book, Habits That Heal. It’s about fear and anxiety that comes from fearful thinking. Funny, right?! It was like all things in my life, synchronistic. I won’t say I didn’t have my moments of fear because I did. I know fear. In fact, we are longtime acquaintances. I feared Dylan’s cancer, financial ruin, and an unknown future. But, they were moments. These are the times when fear and anxiety have the most power. When something unexpected occurs and we anticipate negative outcomes. Clients tell me, “I can’t stop thinking negative things. What if this or that happens? What will I do then?” I don’t disagree that life sometimes serves up scary events that leave us wondering, “what’s next?” We can overcome anxiety that springs from our fear.  I did not become lost in the sickening anxiety and dread. During the nights when fearful thoughts began their march, I told myself, “I am safe. I trust in the flow of life.” Those mantras led me back to sleep.

         I share this with you because fear has only the power we give it. In a week, Dylan will have another PET scan that I know will show no cancer and if I’m wrong, we will deal with it together. In ten days, we will move in with my little sister until we get on our feet. I know we will. We have received multiple blessings throughout our ordeal and have so much to be grateful for. Join me in 2017 with a commitment to embrace gratitude and release fear. We will do it together.